You know, I was thinking I wasn’t going to write this week, because I am living in an altered state at the moment. I am in the state of New Jersey, Weehawken, to be specific. After over a year and a half on the island, I left to visit family, which would explain my choice of location. I guess all kinds of travel can be disorienting, but living on this island and leaving is a special case, at least for me.
We tend to take things for granted, the longer we are around them. I think some of my biker friends, who were born on Kauai, don’t really know how unbelievable Kauai is. Saying it feels like a crazy, reverse prejudice and that is not my intention, not by a long shot. I spent the first forty plus years of my life in and around NYC. I visited other places throughout that time. I traveled all over the US, sometimes for business and other time for vacations, including summer home rentals.
After my divorce, summer was a time when you looked for places to rent, most often out in the Hamptons on Long island. Houses would get rented by individuals, who would then interview others, in order to cover the exorbitant rents for these multi-bedroom homes. It was quite a scene and I suspect nothing has changed, beyond the rents going even higher. You’d leave work on Friday as early as you could and spend at least 3-4 hours on the Long Island Expressway. I did that routine for two seasons and in my case, it was a little trickier, because every other weekend, I would have two young boys with me. Many interviewees turned down the offer, because it was meant for unattached people, looking to party and little ones were like foreign objects.
My desire for privacy began to take over as I etched my way into my mid-thirties, plus I was never the party animal prototype either. As yet another summer began approaching, forgetting the year, I found a small ad in the NY Times for a summer rental. It was for a farmhouse in Honesdale, PA, which was something you’d never see advertised. I rented the place for two consecutive seasons and this experience was life changing. The home sat on a couple of hundred acres and it was a working dairy farm. I realized how happy I was, away from the City and its staccato energy. I knew I was going to leave all that behind at some point. I fell in love with the sky and the sound of no sound at all and the magic of solitude.
I am not sure how many of us stop to think how important place is in our lives. For me, the city life is what I knew, it is how I grew up. The power of place can be very subtle, shaping so much of our basic character. I didn’t realize how much being a part of nature meant to me. I never bothered to think what my life would be like if I was away from the ever present cacophony of sounds, the manic energy of too many people in too small a space, punctuated by a different visual every millisecond.
I discovered camping and hiking when I moved to Santa Fe, NM in ’87. Initially, I lived in a small adobe home that sat on five acres, adjacent to thousands of acres of BLM land. I really don’t think we have any control over where we are born, although some would disagree. I do think there is plan for each of us, a predetermined journey each of us are on and everything we do is part of it. I was not meant to spend my life in an urban environment and really never felt comfortable in it.
My internal world began expanding as the space around me increased. I felt at home in the high desert country of New Mexico. I was able to relax and let go of so much tension that was a part of the busy, city existence. I also think nature is a salve for the soul and we are meant to be a part of it and not apart from it. I think if you grow up with it, like many of my biker friends, you kind of take it for granted, but it works its magic on you anyway. The aloha I first experienced when I came to Kauai has something to do with spending your life surrounded by natural beauty.
So, here I am in Weehawken, with my son, daughter-in-law and grandson. My brother and his wife will be visiting while I am here, too. I have not been with my grandson for a year and a half, a terribly long time for me. I had tremendous trepidation about travel and will be somewhat ill at ease until I get back home. The highlight of this visit are the conversations I have had with my grandson, impossible until now. I no longer have to talk down to him, now able to speak directly to him about things.
Years ago, when I left the City, I left family as well. I was completely alone for the first time in my life, thousands of miles from everything familiar. It was a terrible choice to make back then, a selfish one. I slowly began to inhabit myself in the new world I entered. While it may sound ridiculous, I knew this was my journey and I was fearless, something I find hard to believe after all these years.
I am here, at home with family and I look forward to returning to the home I’ve created for myself.
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