“My future is in my past and my past is my present. I must now make the present my future.” Vladimir Horowitz
OK, I want you to take a ride with me, which is likely a first, out of nearly 400 of these little ditties. For some stupid reason, I decided I wanted to write something about being in the moment, a term so abused, it’s frayed around the edges.
It got me thinking about what I do with you and it’s like I’m having an exchange with myself, a Gemini talent I inherited. I know for certain you are listening, but I just can’t quite hear if it resonates with you or not. Trying to talk about this subject is a plate load. I’m going to imagine we are sitting at the same table for the ride.
In the last story I wrote, by the time I got to the end, it was clear to me that if I followed the path my words were carving, I might actually find myself in pretty good shape. I got this whole ZenGonzo way of writing, which I make too big a deal out of. In a nutshell, it’s about being present and honest. It is a hybridized, creative offspring of crazy man, Hunter S. Thompson, having his DNA souffléd with the Buddha, an almost otherworldly being.
In the spirit of the Now, I walked home this Friday afternoon. There is always one song that fuses itself to the mood of the moment, a small piece of magic. Today, it was Leonard Cohen, singing The Tower of Song and its “Da doo dum dum dum” lyric. Walking up my hill, I felt like a million bucks. I might actually have been “bopping” to the tunes!
I punched my famous, familial flag into the crest at the foot of my studio. Then, in the same breath, headed right down the damn hill to go to, you guessed it, Costco. I was going to pick up a second BP med to keep the first, new one company. We’re going to double team this cardiovascular glitch.
Last time, I wrote about breaking down and going to the Doc. Through sheer, dumb luck, everything else is working extremely well for an old guy. He and I decided it was time to kicks its ass. It is really the first time I have lost patience with this BP bullshit and its day are numbered. I’ll let you know.
It’s funny, what I was talking about just before these diary entries, is what I am writing about, you guessed it, THE NOW THING. I really try and stay there when I am writing. I don’t know if I have ever thought about it in this light before. I am single focused, riveted to the screen, looking right back at me, smirking and waiting for the words.
I don’t know if any of you know who Vladimir Horowitz was? I don’t even know why I do. He was a true, virtuoso Classical pianist. I think I have always been mesmerized by people, who are extraordinary at whatever it is they do. I thought his quote was very cool and perfect for where I wanted to try and end up with this story.
Word riddles can be a pain in the butt and I don’t want to be a willing perpetrator. The world of Zen is up to its ass in them, varying with each lineage. Many practitioners adhere to the discipline of “solving” koans. You are challenged to come up with an answer to “the sound of one hand clapping”. Finally, when you get a brain hernia, the light explodes in your head and you can hear it.
It is within that spirit, I have to give it to Vlad. It really struck me hard. Now, you need to get ready and you might want to hold on to something, anything. (TRUMPETS) The way you are right now, at this very moment, is your future. So, if you want to stay with me just a second longer; pretend you are gullible enough to believe this, “What kind of future do you want for yourself?”
Now, work with me here. When people generally think about this idea of being present, it’s usually about looking at your past and somehow being able to liberate yourself from the yoke of yesterday. I think I have found a breakthrough, a short cut. You simply change the direction of the view. Imagine being exactly where you want to be no matter where you are? Shit, that sounds like a resurrected New Age platitude, but I mean it.
I really like that way of being present. It feels less burdensome. The marriage of Zen and Quantum Physics will give you a run for your money. It’s like the Right brain had invisible sex with the Left brain and gave birth to “the sound of one hand clapping.” The closer you get to it, the farther away you are. How do you like that, grasshopper?
The last of the Four Vows from my butchered Zen practice, recited every morning, while cushion bound, deals with the Buddha Way being “unsurpassed”, yet you vow to “attain” it. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve begun to accept the answer is to keep trying, without driving yourself fucken crazy. It’s not like there is a place you actually get to, which should take some of the pressure off. You just keep trying, without driving yourself nuts along The Way
Right now, at this very moment, I am present. I would like to bottle this feeling and call it The Now. It is available in your mind, for a limited time only. However, the prescription is good for a life time.