“PITY THE NATION WHOSE PEOPLE ARE SHEEP AND WHOSE SHEPHERDS MISLEAD THEM”  Lawrence Ferlinghetti 

I had an easy plan for the day and then the day got in the way. I spent last evening with my lady, which is this heart’s version of perfection and came home early this morning. I had a pretty good idea what I was going to do today.

When I come from her place, I am always disoriented, which is this awful skill I have, being thrown off by most anything. I’ve gotten pretty used to this routine, starting maybe an hour or so later than when I roll out of my own bed. OK, it is still a little weird, especially because I have structured it so the days this happens, I am unscheduled, having altered my work sequence a bit. 

The only thing I had to do for the day was show up at the DDS at 10:30 for a cleaning, which fit perfectly into this relatively new routine of mine. I’ve had some weird shit going on with my gums, the details of which I will spare you. 

For an aging, neurotic Jew, most any bodily malfunction of any kind is a sure sign of cancer. By the way, all you have to do is spend two seconds on your computer and you are bound to find at least one piece of “research” to corroborate your worst fears. So, there was some trepidation sitting on my shoulders this morning. Well, I got a gold star and if I was a six year old, I would have gotten a pat on the head and a lollipop. I get to live happily ever after, until something else isn’t absolutely perfect and it starts all over again.

I am not sure when I was savaged by an onslaught of chaos, attacking me unexpectedly. I know I have made a big deal in the past about living simply, a Zen showcase of the transitory nature of life and its impermanence. Show me a story that has only one side and I’ll show you a story missing at least one other. I am easily confused and overwhelmed for no goddamn reason. The thought of even choosing which coffee mug to have my morning coffee in would cause me to think and, given a choice, I prefer not to think, because it’s nothing, but trouble.

Today, I found myself having to do things I hadn’t thought about. I was thinking about getting a few things at Costco and looking forward to coming home and starting my story to you. I liked what I had done last week, selecting a bunch of disparate news, some serious and some ridiculous, spreading them out on my coffee table. It is funny how they begin to line up in some formation and flow together. This was going to be my afternoon and I was really looking forward to it. 

Let’s see, so what happened to fuck it all up. When I left the DDS, I saw there was a call from my son. It usually means he is alone in his car, driving after leaving his son off at tennis or on his way to pick him up. We had a great conversation. I like talking to my boy about his life and sharing what’s going on in mine. Toward the end, he told me that his son, my grandson, had submitted a final piece of writing and his teacher went ape shit with praise. The moment we hung up, I texted my grandson and threatened him with bodily harm if he didn’t immediately send me what he had written. 

Then, I got a call, telling me it was necessary to re-shoot a video I had done for my County writing gig, which I haven’t spoken about much with you to this point, but I will. I was on Flaming Lips and needed to get home to change and meet the folks at Nawiliwili Harbor, where I always go to not catch fish, a God-given test of faith.

I raced home, changed my shirt and grabbed a backpack, because I still needed to go to Costco to get a sack of oranges, a couple of baskets of blueberries and a box of wine, yes, a box of wine. For someone, who knows fuck all about wine, it is three or four bottles in a box for half the price. Not only that, because it is in an airtight sack, it can keep for weeks. Seriously, tell me why I shouldn’t?

It was right around this point, when my life fell apart. I got back on my motorcycle, rushing to the video shoot and reached in my back pocket to make sure I had my phone. It wasn’t there and I only had ten minutes to get to the harbor. Should I race back home or just look for it after? Surprise, it was in my front pants pocket, where I shoved it on the way out the door, wearing my backpack for the oranges and box of vino. Then, I felt my left breast pocket for my reading glasses. Now, keep in mind, I didn’t need them for where I was going or what I was doing. Of course, I freaked out, not feeling at all relieved about the phone’s presence. Son of a bitch, they were  in my right breast pocket, where I never, ever put them. Remember, this drama is unfolding in my ten minute bike ride to the harbor.

Shit, I left something important out of all this. The day before, I had recorded about 45 minutes of a very important conversation that is part of the latest story I am writing about for the County, which I still haven’t talked about. Technology and I have a special relationship. It’s job is to always make me feel like a gross incompetent, lost in a world with procedures and a vocabulary, with words I seem to always hear for the first time. Son of a bitch, my little cheap ass tape recorder worked and I got what I needed to finish a really good story. 

So, I rode to the harbor to re-record what I had already done, because the County decided to change the name of the entire project I am working on. I thought it might be cool to re-do this video with Flaming Lips as a prop. I rode down the pier and made a slow turn to create a good shot for the video and I dropped my bike while coming around. For some reason, my kick stand caught the bike before it went completely over, so righting it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been. No biker enjoys this experience, causing additional upset.

We did the video and it was great fun. I love the camera. I was then off to Costco to fill my backpack with a ton of oranges and a box of cheap wine. I got home and unloaded my stuff. I looked at the coffee table, with all of the news I had thought about archiving for this story and laughed.

Yesterday, when I was thinking about this story, I was still committed to last week’s formula of sharing news with my commentary, peppered with whatever happened to be going on in my life. With that in mind, I grabbed those few lines from an incredible, Ferlinghetti poem. I decided to keep them, even though this new story went totally off the rails.

With all of the insane shit going on in the world, even having a day, fraught with trivia, is big news for me. Sometimes, you have to be reminded you are here in your very small corner of the world, living your imperfect life the best way you know how.

I am the sheep and shepherd of my own life and flock the rest, at least for one day.

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1292459/episodes/15135630