I guess it was around 4AM on Saturday morning and I did my all too frequent, in-the-darkness wake up. I know for many of us it is a time of runaway worry about God only knows what. I was fine, because it is miles away from the first time it’s happened. Sure, you’re probably already thinking this is going to be a tale of wanton worry and you’d be wrong.
As a kid, it was always my brother, Marty, who was blessed with the ability or affliction, depending upon the circumstance, of being able to sleep through virtually everything. Subsequently, it was simple enough to say he was a good sleeper. Why compete, when I could be first by not sleeping very well? I am trying to do kid logic here.
I am not sure if it is a sibling thing or not, when the younger one, knee-jerk goes in the opposite direction of his poorly armed, older kin. He loved vanilla and I automatically fell deeply in love with chocolate, an affair I have never thought of giving up. When it came to sleeping, I was always up, waiting for the sun to find me. So, what I am saying is that it was perfectly fine for me to wake up, when everything and everyone was deep asleep.
I have a favorite position for sleep and it has never crossed my mind to experiment. I always face myself to the right and I must be facing a wall. The reason for this is quite simple. When I was a kid, my brother and I shared a bedroom. Mine was on the right side of the room and facing the wall was a very secure feeling for me. In all these years, it has never dawned on me to try another way. Why fool with what works?
Sorry, didn’t mean to get distracted by my sleep mania, because that is not the story I want to share. So, when I invaded a world totally unprepared for my entry this morning, in the curious darkness, I thought about Sam Elliot and his character in the Big Lebowski. Out of nowhere, this quintessential cowboy materializes at a bowling alley, where the Dude wrestles with John Goodman’s Vietnam, induced insanity. He is without question a spiritual presence with a message for the Dude.
At 4AM, this past Saturday, I went to the movie of my mind and saw Sam Elliot, telling me to, “Take ‘er Easy”. So, I flipped my mind around like an ADHD pancake and thought about a story I wanted to share with you. I am not sure when I decided to turn off the motor of the mind and slow it all down, but I did.
We are in such a hurry and the next thing we know, we are dead. In a way, it seems like the idea is to stay really busy and then you suddenly die. I don’t exactly know when nearly all of this stopped for me, but it did. I decided I didn’t want to pick up heavy packages any more. I didn’t want to wake up to a calendar filled with deadlines and commitments. Honestly, I don’t know if it is years of meditation and thinking about the Buddha, or just getting tired of running a race with no winners.
It would be easy to blame this happily afflicted malaise on just being a lazy ass, calling it quits before the game is over. I would like you to know I do not see it that way at all. I am pretty sure mine will be the last voice I hear and I want it to be as familiar as possible. I really like having the time to do my writing and my news podcast and my Foster and Feinstein show on Youtube.
I look around at all these all people and wonder why they are so busy. Biden is already 79 years old and the vast majority of politically influential people all over the world are just too damn old! I am definitely getting older and forgetting shit. I remember getting a brain MRI for some reason or other. I was fine. However, there was a sentence or two at the end of the report that indicated my brain was shrinking, directly related to the anticipated dehydration that occurs with age. My damn brain was shrinking and it was OK! Really?
Here’s the deal, I have busted my ass for years, having more jobs than most of you could ever imagine. I have sat at desks, buried in paper, surrounded on the floor with even more. I have juggled more phone calls than most of you, too. Trust me, I am not bragging, just sharing. I have been so busy that I actually would wake up at 4AM, worrying about how I would ever pull off the shit I was into. I am only sharing this, because I want the creds over on the side of working really hard for a really long time.
I think the Sam Elliott character was meant to be otherworldly, this heavenly being, an angel cowboy, with a message from the sky, “Take ‘er Easy.” It’s like being told to engage the world around you with grace and I like that. In my case it is about having the time to think about this kind of stuff.
What can I say?