“The refreshing moon of the Buddha
Is traveling in the sky of utmost emptiness.
If the pond of the mind of living beings is still,
The moon will reflect itself beautifully in it.” From Thich Nhat Hahn
I got up a couple of mornings ago at around 5AM, at least an hour before I roll out of bed and begin my iron clad habits. Now, this is a perfect time for something called monkey mind to swing from the intersecting vines of awakening thoughts. I had this idea to slow it all down. Now, this is not about editing, it is just about the speed at which thoughts and feelings come at you.
I moved the show to the cushion and kept thinking about it. I decided to really focus on my breath, which I am not real good at. I slowed the rhythm down considerably, easing from one to the next. I let my thoughts ride on my breath and it felt like an amazing discovery, fool that I am. It’s like following the conductor of your thought symphony, not each instrument, steadying your rhythm, a syncopation of sorts.
I know I talk about the Buddha a lot and sitting each morning. First and foremost, I am not selling anything. I am no BAB, Born Again Buddhist. When I first happened upon him in my early thirties, it never had the feeling of a religion to me. Around 2,500 years ago, he was an overweight prince, kept captive in a castle until young adulthood.
He had this uncanny ability to see things as they are and it was a mind fuck for the kid, once he was sprung from all the royal opulence. It took him many years, before he was truly able to slow his mind and see things as they are, with an uncanny clarity. Trust me, I am not confusing the two of us, not even close, although I’ll bet he’d be just fine with it. I was sinking fast back then, feeling I had come to the end of the road I had been traveling since birth.
I do not worship him, believe me. His philosophy, his way of looking at the world and every one of us in it, is what captured my mind and my heart. I suppose I could be labeled as an advocate of sorts, but worlds apart from a zealot. When I am trying to make a point, I often look for quotes from him. This morning, I stumbled across a poem that Thich Nhat Hahn, didn’t author, but used in a story. In four short lines, my story is anchored for me. That’s what I mean.
At one time or another in our lives, we have big questions that feel overwhelming. The most important thing to know is we are not alone with these questions. They have haunted us forever, long before the Buddha sat under the Bodhi Tree. I have no idea how the world works, but this guy was meant to be the moon, shining in a pool of stillness, allowing each of us to see ourselves with a kind of clarity we’ve never known.
I have always had a rule in my writing. The moment it feels like work, it is time to stop. I will talk with you again tomorrow morning, because I was certain that change was coming to my life and it was big…………………………………………….
Here I am, thinking about all the changes that have happened to me, since returning home from Wrangell, AK. Having a day with absolutely nothing to do is a really big one for me. I am not going to be late for anything.
I think slowing down is part of it. The busier you are, the faster the world passes you by. Now, keep in mind, my age has become a factor in most everything in my life. In fact, I am doing something right now and you are reading it. You know what I mean. It’s all those details, screwing up the harmony of your life symphony. I think it is important to find the time to listen to it.
Altering my work schedule and giving me days like today has had an enormous impact on my life. Fishing at dawn and watching the sun seamlessly swim out of the ocean is one of those moments, when you just stop and watch. I do that now and it defines calm for me.
After I published my memoir, about ten years ago, I had this idea that I shouldn’t make any money from it, because my life had no price and it was a very, very long love letter to my grandson. I thought, maybe sometime off in the distant future, he’d meet me on the page. A couple of days ago, our hearts and minds did join, something so deeply personal, thats all I got for you about it.
A number of years ago, some of these kind of stories, minus the profanity, were published in a monthly paper here. There were some other ventures that found their way into papers, but I never thought about ever getting paid to write. I have devolved into a storyteller and just sharing them is an incredible reward.
The exchange with my grandson was prompted by sharing that I had just landed a writing gig with County. Not only that, it is the way I write that made it happen. I will tell you about it when we walk down the professional aisle, but I am incredibly excited. I can’t believe I am going to be able to do my thing, writing about this place I love, more than I can say.
This idea of slowing down certainly predates my recent early morning revelation. It’s a bitch for life to hit a moving target. My heart was the bullseye and it got a direct hit on so many levels, because of it.
I don’t know how old we are when we have that first feeling of wondering what the fuck we are here for. I don’t know when it hit me, but I know I was pretty young. At the very least, it is a teenage mantra, with no answer. I appreciate the precious nature of time more than ever and who I am is why I am here today.
I have lived an extremely colorful past and every single bit of it has got me to this moment on Friday, when I have nothing to do, but think about what I want to tell you. In a way, the best of it all is having found love for the last time, another story that has no place on the page, at least not mine.
I do this thing with you to have it resonate for you, or these would simply be a stupid exercise in vanity. Every now and then, slow down and watch the world race ahead of you. It is a race you will lose. We win by taking the time to see where we are and who we are. Inhale and exhale, slowly and deeply, close your eyes and look inside, it is amazing what you can find, when you slow down and take the time.
Love to you all.
Alexei Navalny has died. My bad, he was murdered for being a beautiful human being.