I just want you to know I had absolutely no intention of writing this morning. It’s New Years Day and I was psyched to get on my motorcycle and ride to the north shore. It’s lush and sensual, perfect fodder for my introspective state of mind today. Man, I would have cranked the music, levitating myself forward and thinking about 2019. So, here I am, without a damn thing to do, I mean nothing at all.

I decided to work with what I got. My morning view sometimes feel like a portal to the Universe, based on how much time I spend sitting right here. I am one who gets confused easily and having too many choices has always been a problem. I can only have one favorite at a time. Even if I lived in a mansion, I’d still have one place that served to ground me in all that is familiar.

While it is a poor substitute for Flaming Lips, my bike, this is where I really do my internal traveling and sharing. My music is now loud enough to block any intrusion. I am resting on my elbows, my wrists supported by the keyboard, fingers poised like a faux concert pianist, playing the alphabet ivories. Thank God for the delete button.

I don’t think it’s cool to like Billy Joel, but I do. We grew up around the same time, while I was in Queens, he was a couple of miles east on Long Island. I am not sure how long ago he began performing at Madison Square Garden on a regular basis, selling out every time. He is still going. He is singing, We Didn’t Start the Fire, a run-on lyric, with famous names of people and events, strung together in rapid fire, with a strong hook.

It’s impossible to think about the coming year, which has no history, and not think about the year just passed, with its own names, events and fires, On a deeply personal level, I have felt a significant change take hold, one that will carry forward into this year. In my life, I have less to lose than ever before, only time. Globally, we are being offered a stark choice regarding our humanity and our planet. We can side with the brutes or the saints. While ambivalence is a choice, it’s another vote for the monetized monsters, who are choking us all.

I have made so many mistakes in my life, I wouldn’t waste time counting. It doesn’t take all that long to see those damn recurring patterns. I know a good writer is supposed to provide examples for something like this, so, how about grossly underestimating self-worth as a biggie throughout my history? Forgiveness is the doorway to compassion, while regret has no exit.

I have been away for a couple of hours since the above paragraph. I was feeling a little cabin fever, so I drove down to the Nawiliwili Harbor. On the way, I picked up a 22 oz. Lagunitas Little Sumpin’ Extra!, weighing in at around 8.7% alcohol, a healthy dose for beer. I pulled into the harbor, opened my door, rolled down the window and threw my left leg over the top. For some reason, I decided to take my busted up headset, orphaned to my backseat and once again bring it to life through the magic of Pandora, plugged into my puny iPhone 5S.

The year is 2008. The place is Shea Stadium. It’s Billy Joel again, live in concert, singing New York State of Mind and get this, Tony Bennett is doing a duet. This was the first music that I heard through my resuscitated headset this afternoon. I got out of my car and walked around the harbor a while, my eyes filled with the beauty of this island, my ears flooded with a more precise sound than they’re used to. With a headset, it was like being absorbed by the music and living inside it. I knew I’d come back to this conversation, not quite the same as when I left, Lagunitas aside.

I think I want to have as many moments as possible of feeling alive and the freedom to feel that way. Christ, the changes I’ve gone through from one year to the next, have been unimaginable.
Sitting here, in between two years, I am still coming to terms with where I’ve just come from. I want to be a compassionate task master, making sure I keep seeking in the year ahead.

For me, more than anything else, the passage of time has been the game changer and I really care about how I live the rest of my life. In this coming year, we are going to have an opportunity to choose what kind of world we want to gift our children, at least I think so. Here comes 2019.

Good Luck to us all.