The story I am about to tell draws striking similarities to a country with nearly the same name, but this tale is too unbelievable to be true.
We should begin this story about 250 years ago, when a bunch of wig wearing, white men got together to create a country. They had all run away from a cruel monarchy that didn’t really give a shit about them, taxing them from across the sea to maintain their luxurious life style at home. These Amerikans had enough and declared their independence, creating a series of well intentioned documents along the way.
If there was a key sentiment, it had to be that all men were created equal and entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, the last being a boon for thousands of comedians to come. These guys were quite literal in their definition of men, which was far more limited than having a penis to qualify. Many of these guys were slave owners, a challenge to the concept of equality. Those “men” with vaginas, which we will call women, were totally excluded from this supposed, high minded, democratic equation.
The whole wig thing has always concerned me. It’s a form of grooming they brought with them from their homeland, one that made these men kind of look alike, hiding their true selves. Being a barber back then was like being a journalist in their country today.
The country gave birth to itself along its eastern coast, the shortest distance for subsequent immigrants to seek their dreams in this new democracy, however imperfect its origins. The countries they came from maintained their influence through violence, always fighting for their existence and for some, their dominance over others, a legacy they brought with them.
Amerika fought for its freedom and continued fighting its way across this new country. There were many, many people living there before the arrival of these white men, with their slaves and enslaved women. It’s curious how the idea of superiority has been a trait for all humans, regardless of skin color, going back thousands of years before the founding of this new country.
A wave of white flooded the red skinned people, who had mistakenly assumed this land was theirs, just because they were there first.. Being truthful in matters of politics and business has never been an outstanding trait of humans since the beginning of time. True to form, these God fearing white men took all of Amerika for themselves, doing whatever they had to do to get it and a powerful, new country was born.
In its first 100 years, the country’s persona was evolving, in a state of political puberty. Since the beginning, the book of rules always had a double standard. Those same guys, wearing the precursor of the toupee, didn’t trust anyone outside their fraternity. The government was by certain people, for certain people and they made sure of that. Coming from a monarchy, they held on to a bit of the royalty fetish. There had to be their version of the House of Lords to make sure the House of Commons didn’t become too powerful. Worst of all, the President couldn’t possibly be elected directly by the people, so an inane College of Mathematics was created to prevent anything too popular from actually happening.
In a time of total schizophrenia, the country went to war with itself, if you can believe that. Supposedly, it was about slavery and in the end they were freed and it took yet another hundred years of torturous treatment until they were actually free. Even today, these relatives of slaves are not free in the same way those white guys are free. Speaking of that lofty concept, it took around 150 years from the writing of those wonderful documents, for women to actually have the right to vote, if you can believe that. I want to get back to the ladies in a minute or two.
In the early days of Amerika, communications was very challenging. The printing press and telegraph ruled the world until the 1920’s, but the invention of radio, the ability to hear sound coming from boxes, changed everything and the country is still riding that wave of telecommunications magic.
All of a sudden, people could find out what was happening as it was taking place. While everybody was too thrilled with the invention to think about how it would effect their privacy, it would eventually come to haunt them. All of a sudden, they knew more about everything and everybody and believe me, it didn’t take long for people to figure out how to take advantage of this phenomenon.
The ability to sell people on products and ideas put the newspapers to shame. One of their presidents actually gave what he called fireside chats, calming the country in times of upheaval. The country suffered an awful depression, an economic meltdown and a complete loss of hope for the future. The government put people to work, building highways, national parks and an infrastructure that still stands today. As Amerika was getting its strength back, organizations called unions were created, so regular working folks could have a voice and not be drowned out by generations of those white wigged guys, who kept the country in their wallets over the years.
After radio, came television and that allowed people to see virtually anything. How you looked took on increasing importance and one candidate for president actually lost, because you could see perspiration on his upper lip during debates! The other guy was incredibly handsome and he ignited a generation of young people.
In the mid 90’s technology changed Amerika forever. Envy became an integral part of the culture and celebrity was an outcome of worshipping those who were living a life many wished for. Since the days of motion pictures in the early 1900’s, people became enamored and envious of the lives of so called stars. In its inception, you actually had to do something to warrant attention, but today, you simply have know how to play the game.
Finally, today, Amerika has a president, who is a product of that perversion. From the age of one, he began receiving around $5 million dollars a year in tax free allowance. He lost money at every venture he attempted and played the system like a Stradivarius, to milk it for every dollar it had to give him. His attention span was perfect for the new media, which catapulted his stupid ideas from one to the next. He is merely a symptom, like a boil on your ass being a sign of infection. I could be terribly caddy and reference his hair, which would be far better covered by a white powdered wig.
I want to get back to the ladies for just a second and it is not far from where we are. Since the very beginning of this country women were a kind of slave. They had been second class citizens, mistreated and maligned by people just like the president, married a bunch of times and accused of misconduct by far too many. It is a very sloppy process for these women to simply claim a place of equality and missteps are inevitable, but well worth it in order to level the playing field.
Amerikans are fighting with each other and that is just what guys like the president and the ultra wealthy want. The people who love this guy are exactly the ones he is screwing, but he has mastered the power of celebrity. Those who oppose him have absolutely no balls, partially because so many of them are beholding to the same kind of money that launched this country in the first place.
Amerika appears to be out of control. Nobody knows who to believe. The country seems to be slipping backward, instead of lauding intelligence, it prizes stupidity. Everyone is angry with someone and hopelessness is epidemic. We actually need Mel Brooks to write an ending to this chapter of Amerika’s history, which forces smiles from the frowns. At least the good news is this is not about a real country.